I’m working on my garden. I’ve got a new hobby greenhouse that I’m slowly putting together. The parts just snap together pretty much. The lady I bought my house from last year was not a huge gardener although I’m enjoying her Irises and Peonies this spring. So I have had to put in pathways and retaining walls. The older I get the more I get into raised bed gardening so I don’t have to get up off the ground after weeding or planting.

"As the Garden Grows, so does the Gardener"

Everything is slow, very slow. When G was alive he did my heavy lifting and he would have had the snap together greenhouse already snapped together and growing things by now. I was spoiled. But I’m finding a new inner strength by learning to do these things on my own. I’m remembering what it was like as a kid to be successful and to feel good about doing a job well. Creating something, designing something, learning something new. As the garden grows, so does the gardener. When we stop growing and learning, we die, literally or figuratively.

In my quest for a new life I’ve started a lot of projects. That’s what I tend to do. I used to start things and not finish them, at least now, I tend to finish them. When I was younger, it was very difficult for me to slow down and enjoy life. Gerald’s death has made me have to do that, whether I wanted to or not. I miss him terribly. He was the common sense I don’t usually have. He was my rock and I could always count on him to slow me down and make me think if this or that was what I really wanted to do. I’ve had to learn to think about things and then think again because he’s not here to help me focus. I said as much in my eulogy to him a year and a half ago…

I’ll remember how he would roll his eyes every time I said, “Gerald, I’ve had a
great idea!” He didn’t like to say no to me, so I got to drag him all over the
country, like to Philadelphia to see the King Tut exhibit, and Washington D.C.
and Las Vegas…Mardi Gras and Disney World….and Corpus Christie and Key West to go to the beach.

I will be forever indebted to him because I could not have raised our three girls without him. They adored him and are just as devastated as I am. I truly regret that he will not see them get married, he deserved to be there walking them down the aisle just as much as their father will be. His three sons grew up to be hard-working, honorable and caring young men because Gerald was their role model. Whether it was watching Michael at the car races, Nick’s college graduation, or helping Casey as he started his own business, he was very proud of all his children‘s accomplishments.

Gerald Grunden was my friend.

But I don't ever remember telling him that. The words that are spoken at a funeral are spoken too late for the man who is dead. What a wonderful thing it would be to visit your own funeral. To sit at the front and hear what was said, maybe say a few things
yourself. Gerald and I were growing old together. But at times, when we laughed,
we grew young again. If he were here now, if he could hear what I say, I'd
congratulate him on being a great man, and thank him for being a friend.

I stole that last paragraph from a wonderful movie called “Waking Ned Devine”. I’m not a great writer and whoever wrote that wrote exactly what I wanted to say. I want the world to know that G was worth knowing. A very good man, an everyday hero, just doing his best for his family everyday.
What a learning experience, being on my own for the first time in my 48 years. I like being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I’ve gotten used to being alone because I don’t feel alone in my mind. G is always there. Alone but not lonely.